Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci sing about the perils of obtaining medical marijuana in California. Featuring David Koechner. Directed by Raul B Fernandez. www.garfunkelandoates.com www.raulbfernandez.com
Просмотров: 4014774 Garfunkel And Oates
Here's a musical number from our webseries on hbogo.com! Cause pregnant women are smug. Everyone knows it, nobody says it, because they're pregnant. Directed by Ryan McFaul. For more about the series click here: http://itsh.bo/garfunkeloates
Просмотров: 3370622 Garfunkel And Oates
Deanna Rooney animated this song by Garfunkel and Oates. Deanna's website: http://dlrooney.tumblr.com/
Просмотров: 750592 Garfunkel And Oates
Garfunkel and Oates sing their version of a sports anthem. Featuring Britanick (Brian McElhaney and Nick Kocher), Spencer Treat Clarke, Kyle Dunnigan, Gian Molina and David Scales. Directed by Riki Lindhome. Produced by Adam Hendricks. DP Jay Hunter & Charles Papert. Edited by Lisa Hendricks. Production Design by Justin Lieb. LYRICS: I promise I really totally care who wins If there's a net or hoop or hole in the ground, I hope they get it in If they want to go to all the bases, I hope they do If they're supposed to run past a line or whatever, I hope they do that, too Sports go sports! May they top their opponents numerically in the allotted time Lest they disenfranchise their audience and see their revenues decline May the partakers be sturdy and rapid In the spirited energies they exert May they be victorious in perpetuity Don't I look cute in this football shirt Sports go sports! Athletics are number one! Participants are heroes! Go team yeah! This is the most important thing that's ever occurred The vicarious fulfillment of your dream that got deferred You has aspirations as a kid but you didn't have the skill So you watch genetically superior people do the things you never will Sports go Sports! May the competitors you prefer best their opposing equivalents: So you can somehow feel connected to the feat of your self-appointed constituents May the hours you spend watching post-match pontificators Amplify the thrill of being a witness And better your predictive aptitude For your squad's future physical fitness Sports go sports! Athletics are number one! Participants are heroes! Go team yeah! Watching abile-bodied millionaires play with each other Watching less agile millionaire talk about it on TV May they compile copious points so they are rewarded and meritorious So you feel temporarily, adjacently victorious Sports go sports! Athletics are number one! Participants are heroes! Go team yeah! Every other word: Sports! Sports! Athletics! Number! Participants! Heroes! Go! Yeah! Every other other word: Go! Athletics! Number! Are! Team! Now in Latin: Ludis ire ludis Arcu sunt optimum Participants sunt heroes Ire quadrigus sic Now the truth: If you could only throw a ball You'd have a hotter wife Lots and lots of money And a way better life And a way better life Go Sports!
Просмотров: 1844365 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci sing about the way some women break up with men- by not telling them. They just do the fade away... LYRICS: We've been on a bunch of dates I weigh debates that this creates And hate that state of forced introspection We traded wit, we swapped some spit, You fingered me a little bit But we never really had a connection You did nothing wrong, I have no excuse Just my intuition telling me we shouldn't reproduce I know I have to end it But pretend to just suspend it By contending that I'm busy all week I let the foregone linger on Text back with an emoticon Withdraw from you by being oblique Inside I know my tactics just delay it But I'd do anything so I don't have to say it I'll draw this out forever like it's Vietnam Then one day I'll be gone like Bambi's mom Awww Cause there's the right thing to do Then there's what I'm gonna do There's so much I should say But instead... I do the fade away Now I'm fading like chalk on a sidewalk Or the polio virus after Jonas Salk Like a Jewish guy at Arby's on Yom Kippur The Whig party post Millard Fillmore The erection of a man on antidepressants The cast of Diff'rent Strokes after adolescence Reproductive rights below the Mason Dixon Native Americans after the barter systems Your thyroid gland after Hashimoto The family in the Back to the Future photo Yeah I fade away We say that men are asshole who don't communicate We revel in our victimhood and amplify our hate We find ways to be indignant like it's a sport Then dissect their malignance with the views we distort The way men break up may be sloppy and terse What they do is bad, but what we do is worse We pretend to ourselves it's the nice thing to do To let you down gently by just not fucking telling you And deep down we know it's the worst way to play it But we are what we have... huge pussies And women are hypocrites Especially ones in comedy bands We see your faults but not our own Then we wonder why we're all alone We fill you up with maybe's, excuses and stalls But like a baby in China... it's better to have balls Not the Good Wife type like Christine Baranski So I'll pull out and leave like I'm Roman Polanski Cause there's the right thing to do Then there's what I'm gonna do There's so much I should say But instead... I do the fade away Like Verbal Kint fading into Kaiser Soze The rights in Arizona for a guy named Jose Opportunities for a college grad The love between your mom and dad Gonna Peter out like a gay Cetera Iranian relations since the Regan era Black Nike sales after Heaven's Gate Summer Camp attendance at Penn State The name Adolph after World War Two Like Debbie Gibson's pop career, Out of the Blue Yeah I fade away Cause I don't wanna get to know you I just want to blow you... off
Просмотров: 831394 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki and Kate tell their future frozen egg babies where babies come from. LYRICS: When a man doesn’t love a woman very very much He signs away his paternal rights and jizzes in a cup Then with lots of money and scientific genius Hormones, pain and of course, um… Jesus The process begins the way god intended With a transvaginal ultrasound With a wand longer than a ukulele When it comes out of my body, it makes this sound (pop) I give myself daily intradermal injections An acute blood thinner and estrogen concurrence Cryopreservation through hormonal activation And none of it’s covered by insurance Then I’m knocked out and you’re removed And combined with a stranger’s come And as the saying goes You win some, you lose some/you dispose of the defective ones in a hazardous waste bin And then you’re frozen until I’m certain It’s time to unthaw you into a person Then you’ll expire or you’ll make the grade And that, my darling, that’s how babies are made (It’s so easy and natural) CHORUS: Hush little egg baby don’t say a word Mama’s gonna freeze you til she gets rich And when that day finally arrives You’ll be constructed in a petri dish With sperm donor 8w6-3 The silent partner of our family So hush little egg baby don’t be sad Just because I never fucked your dad VERSE 2: I know there are orphans everywhere But I’m going to pretend that isn’t real Don’t look at me like that just cause I admit it You had kids and you knew the deal Yeah I feel guilty about overpopulation And ruining the environment for forever But Osama Bin Laden had 20 kids So fuck you or whatever Sadly procreation is not a meritocracy And we need to prevent a real life Idiocracy Though it may be the ultimate form of narcissism It’s also a way to re-reverse reverse Darwinism Gonna mute the sound of that ticking clock I just need the sperm now I don’t need the cock My ovaries are like hey girl I’m over here And I’m all like shhhh I want all the stuff I don’t need a bucket list It doesn’t make me greedy it just makes me feminist Now I’m thinking back through all the guys I’ve dated If they heard this song they’d fucking hate it CHORUS: Hush little egg baby don’t you cry You’ll have the best genes mommy can buy I don’t want to wait until I get in dire straights My friends say if I want kids I should go out on some dates But these working bitches don’t have time to leave it to the fates The world deserves more Riki’s and the world deserves more Kate’s So hush little egg baby dad’s are overrated He did what mattered when he masturbated BRIDGE: Hush little egg baby just hold firm Mama’s gonna buy you designer sperm And if that sperm gives you random traits Mama’s gonna test your dna And if your dna doesn’t make things clear Mama’s gonna just have to live in fear And if that fear turns into guilt Mama’s gonna hold onto what we built And if I hold too tight as to suffocate I’ll buy you lots of things to overcompensate And if that overcompensation’s too transparent I’ll pretend it’s somehow better with no male parent And if you say but mom who’s my dad I’ll say I don’t know and it’s just too bad And if that badness forms a hole in your heart I’ll want to make it up to you but won’t know where to start I’ll probably start by saying it’s just you and me And there’s no such thing as a normal family So fuck being normal and let’s do this shit Momma’s gonna freeze you til she… gets…. rich
Просмотров: 439614 Garfunkel And Oates
A song about Christian girls who stay virgins until they're married but have anal sex instead. Director: Riki Lindhome. DP: Jay Hunter. Producer: Adam Hendricks. Production Design: Justin Lieb. Choreographer: Kathryn Burns. Editor: Kevin Oeser.
Просмотров: 13007828 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki (Garfunkel) Lindhome and Kate (Oates) Micucci sing about a college bisexual experience. LYRICS: There comes a time in everyone's life When they choose stasis or they choose to grow To be open new views and experiences And challenge what they think they know We don't live a in a black and white world And sexuality exists in the gray You can't define those roles so rigidly By saying someone's totally straight or totally gay Cause people are just people And love today is omnisexual God, I love this new side of me As a modern heteroflexible So with the help of a lot of booze I find a girl and we make out And it feels the same as kissing a guy So I don't see what the fuss is about We keep hooking up and it feels so good And with my new broad outlook firmly in place I've come so far, it feels so right There's a vagina in my face and I'm all Ewwwwwwww... Holy shit I didn't expect that, didn't know I'd react that way I was repelled like negatively charged ions in a magnetic field or like I got pricked by a thorn I'm Cinderella and it's midnight and my coach turned into a woman I haven't been that close to a vagina since I was born I thought I understood what was up down there But it's just so human when you see it up close It's a messy visible secreting organ Real woman genitals are kinda gross I thought it'd be smooth and non-threatening Or nonexistent like Barbie's Instead it looks like a half eaten Beef and Cheddar In the garbage can at Arby's It's wrinkly and flappy and uneven and messy And kind of pink but also kind of brown With a super aggressive tongue-like hole And a hoody triangle protruding skin mound It's like a weather beaten deflated football Or a decomposing, bloody pear Or a toothless mouth with gum rot and yeast That's salivating and covered in hair I knew it smelled weird but this is extreme Like old French dressing at a salad bar Or expired banana Activia Or a dead, rotting turtle you left in your car It reminds me of the smell of my grandma's house Or a guinea pig with bacterial disease Wafting from a jar of formaldahyde Or fresh Spaghetti-O's and warm blue cheese I'm sorry I can't believe I said that That was insensitive and immature I swear I'm not homophobic or anti-woman Just caught of guard for sure The female anatomy's divine and perfect And should be eternally celebrated And revered for it's role as beautiful vessel Wherein all life is created And when I think about it I'm like Ewwwwwwww... Sorry for the confusion ma'am I guess I'm not that evolved And my illusions of bisexuality Just instantly dissolved I mourn the cool new life I'd envisioned Where love renders gender preference obsolete Cause when I looked a vagina in the eye I made a hasty, ungraceful retreat So my sad but definite conclusion is That my mouth is for food and penises only But I'm happy so many people like it down there Otherwise I'd be really lonely And I can't believe I have one of those
Просмотров: 1637591 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci sing a 'We are the World'-style parody about the current economic crisis. Directed by MATT and OZ. Produced by Jill Kushner. Credits: AD: Chad Nicholson DP: Blake McClure Gaffer: David Cronin Key Grip: Matt Bobbitt Production Designer: Rachael Ferrara Choreographer: Kathryn Burns Casting: Steve Robles Hair/MakeUp: The SkinOwl Wardrobe Stylist: Jade Sauzo Stills: Jon Weinburg PAs: Lucius Nicholson, Andrew Grissom, Kay Hanley Actors: Donald Knott Martin Olson Phil Hughes David Kearse Greg Roudebush Stan Clark David Bickford Robert Williams John Thomas Pat Bettendorf Andy Goldstein Robert Barrett Jeff Bontems Dancers: The Republican National Dance Squad Dave Birr Alyx Andrushuk Marcos Perez Sara Jester David Johnson Randy Liedtke
Просмотров: 797103 Garfunkel And Oates
Garfunkel and Oates (Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci) sing a song for the finale of LOST asking the question everyone really wants to know. Featuring Whit Hertford as Benjamin Linus. LYRICS: Lost leaves us with many unanswered questions There are countless mysteries unsolved But of the puzzles that confound And the loose ends left unwound One thing I wonder most of all Why ISN'T there more fucking on this island? You're on the best vacation of your life I'd take Sayid and get everything I need I don't care that he used to have a wife Why isn't there more fucking on this island? When everyone on it is so hot Jack should stop debating, and start ejaculating Take advantage of what little time he's got And just Fuck Fuck Fuck 'Til the smoke monster takes you away 'Til you try to carry dynamite from Black Rock 'Til the tall lady from West Wing stabs you 'Til that guy forgets to push a button Why isn't there more fucking on this island? When you know you're never gonna leave You're never getting off so you might as well get off The babies all die so who CARES if you conceive Why isn't there more fucking on this island? Everyone's so careful with their heart No need to commit, let them put you in a split And hide their external body part Fuck Fuck Fuck 'Til you get between Michael and Walt 'Til your dad pretends not to love you 'Til you drown trying to do something selfless 'Til you're annoying and get buried alive Why is there no fucking on this island? Don't they know that they could have all this? I should plow that ass Before I smother them with gas I'm evil but I still have needs The girls here are so very very pretty And I also kinda like the dudes Find some find fish to eat, then fill myself with meat I'll say that Jacob told me to Why isn't there more fucking on this island? When you know you're probably gonna die With carnage all around, all I'd wanna do is pound You can crash your plane between my right thigh and my left thigh Fuck Fuck Fuck 'Til you fall down a well and set off a nuke 'Til you get crushed in a plane full of heroin 'Til time travel induces a fatal nosebleed 'Til you get strangled and your corpse is transported to the island, acting as a proxy for Jack's dad, then you're in another plane crash and you get impersonated by the smoke monster and leave a suicide note saying "If only you believed me"
Просмотров: 636655 Garfunkel And Oates
Garfunkel and Oates quizzes their audience, reading off a series of quotes and asking "Who said it: Kanye or Hitler"? ********OKAY guys! We are not comparing Kanye West to Hitler! We know that Kanye didn't kill anyone. We think it's funny that, even though they couldn't be more different, their quotes are the same. I love Kanye. Please stop misinterpreting this- WE ARE JOKING!!
Просмотров: 707006 Garfunkel And Oates
A feminist love song. LYRICS VERSE ONE: Close your eyes, make a wish, picture your perfect woman Now open your eyes and forget about her cause I’m here and I’m not it And before we go any further There’s a few things I’d like to admit I’m a self-absorbed workaholic My mind is always divided My schedule is erratic, just like my thoughts I’m easily depressed or overly excited whoo! I can’t do anything around the house If you want food you gotta cook it yourself And if we stop having sex, I will leave I have friends that give me everything else I’ve got goals and dreams and aspirations I’ve got shit to do I’m not gonna change all my plans Just to be with you Yeah we’re a perfect couple If you’re totally comfortable being alone We’ll always be together If it’s cool that I’m never home If you like overcompensation for boundless insecurity This is where it’s at And if you notice I’ve been talking about myself this whole time Well, get ready for more of that And I’m like look at me look at me watch me watch me listen to me listen to this what do you think tell me the truth compliments only please Oh man you really get me CHORUS: I’m gonna make your dreams come true As long as they don’t interfere with mine I’ll always be here for you For methodically allotted amounts of time I’ll be there to hold your hand If I happen to be in town And any time you need me There’s a 50/50 chance I’ll be around I know this all sounds bad But you know what else is true Every word that I just said Could have also been describing you Yes every word that I just said Could have also been describing you VERSE TWO: You just don’t feel don’t feel bad about it It’s never even occurred to you To not go after all the things You’ve ever wanted to You weren’t subconsciously conditioned To give up your dreams for me Or that loved and ambitious Were mutually exclusive things to be It probably didn’t cross your mind That your mom had goals too That had nothing to do with getting married And nothing to do with having you Can we stop pretending That it isn’t kind of sad That your mom never pursued anything With the same intensity as your dad And right now you’re thinking Not my mom, that was her decision Okay, sure, but all our moms That’s what they all envisioned So therefore… CHORUS CODA: Look I’ll meet you halfway there But I can’t give you more than that And know it’s not as sweet of a deal As every man ever before you had All I want is 50/50 All I want is half And if those numbers seem off to you Why? It doesn’t mean I won’t be your partner It doesn’t mean I won’t come through It doesn’t mean I’m a bad person It just means I’m the same as you So if you’re looking for an equal you found it But if want someone better than you, try again Cause I only have what it takes to be man I’ve never had what it takes to be a woman
Просмотров: 571255 Garfunkel And Oates
Garfunkel and Oates (Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci) perform on song based on the scene in Precious where she steals the bucket of chicken and runs off with it.
Просмотров: 410746 Garfunkel And Oates
LYRICS: Everyone once in a while you meet a special kind man A needle in a haystack, a diamond in a pile of shit A man who’s never written music but thinks he can A republican crypto currency guy like Dan Thank you, digital accountant Dan For explaining how to write a song I wouldn’t have known to choose a topic Before you, you, Dan, you came along Thanks for telling me to write down my thoughts And send them all to you So you can make sure it doesn’t offend The conservative point of view You say it’s time to pop my liberal bubble And reach across the aisle Find levity in relatable things That can make the red and blue states smile Because comedy should be inclusive And connect with the other half It should make us all feel comfortable So both sides can laugh Well, I’m going to take your advice, computer Dan And write something bipartisan So here’s my song VERSE 1: Don’t you hate it when you’re liberal and you’re stuck in traffic Now I’m late for my big meeting Don’t you hate it when you’re conservative and your inlaws are here Oh brother what’s your mother gonna say Don’t you hate it when you’re liberal and you lose your glasses How can I find my glasses without my glasses Or when you’re a conservative and your gun control policies enable constant, senseless, devastating mass shootings Isn’t it great when both sides can laugh Hahahahahahaha We’re really not that different We should come together as one With easy, pleasing, breezy jokes You know comedy can just be fun CHORUS: So let’s all get together And embrace the other half With this song Where both sides can laugh VERSE TWO: Don’t you hate it when you’re liberal and a song’s in your head Maureen I’m not a theater person Or when you’re conservative and your podcast won’t load It’ll only play an ad from blue apron Don’t you hate when you’re liberal and you can’t stop crying Boo hoo I want civil rights Or when you’re conservative and your pussy grabbing liar threatens nuclear annihilation on twitter Isn’t it great when both sides can laugh Hahahahahahaha In this time of political turmoil I should ignore it and be polite It’s more comfortable for all of us If I don’t pick between left and wrong CHORUS: So let’s all get together And embrace the other half With this song Where both sides can laugh BRIDGE: If I want a ceasefire to transpire Stop preaching to the whining lefty choir Embrace the climate change denier Give every joke a qualifier With harmless, responsible comedy Where we all feel good about our choices That recognizes everyone As equally valid political voices Comedians should be on the medians And put a premium on obedience Be through with mental acuity Find unity through ambiguity All this complaining and exaggerating Is actually just exacerbating The futility and hypocrisy Of the left wing aristocracy Let go of the same old blue shtick Stop trying to skew shit I sound like a mouthy shrew chick Acoustic music isn’t psychotherapeutic I need to get a clue quick If I want to accrue new YouTube clicks Subdue this taboo shit I spew Find a new, more palatable point of view Well you underestimated me Cause I don’t look like the enemy My tentacles are venom-y A musical comedy sea anemone But I should say it’s okay That no matter the cost, you want your little pistol And it’s fine that voted for Voldemort As long as your reasons were purely fiscal Oh, you’re just greedy, I didn’t realize, that’s fine CHORUS: So let’s all get together And embrace the other half With this song Where both sides can laugh CODA: What do you think, Dan, how did I do I can’t believe I used to write songs that had point of view Being general’s always better for comedy it’s true Thank god for you, Dan, thank only Christian god for you
Просмотров: 350071 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci sing a song written by them and Jeff Marx (Avenue Q).
Просмотров: 400376 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci's official video for This Party Took a Turn for the Douche. Directed by Daniel Stessen. Featuring Sarah Silverman, Tig Notaro, Alia Shawkat, Har Mar Superstar, Diora Baird, Johnny Pemberton, Josh Fadem, Duncan Trussel, Dougg Pound, Ashley Lendzion & Greg Murnion
Просмотров: 3786120 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci perform a rap about douchebags. Here are the LYRICS: We roll into the bar cause thats how we do Garfunkel, Oates and the rest of the crew Give a dollar to my homegirl and watch that bitch go she Hits up the juke box and puts on Jim Croce Operator, can you help me make this call? Were laughing and talking and the drinks are flowing Im the liking the direction this night is going But then I look up and something has changed Everyone around us looks fucking deranged I look to my left, I look to my right Nothing but Von Dutch hats in sight With supertight abs and supertan skin I swear this aint the club that I walked in Then the techno music starts to play And the room smells like Axe body spray Im like Golda Mier with no gold in my ear Please tell me what the hell happened here Yo it aint pretty but you know its the truth This party just took a turn for the douche For the douche, for the douche For the motherfuckin douche Thought it was a perfect party Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy This party just took a turn for the douche I guess I cant beat em so Im gonna join em Need some douche phrases and Im gonna coin em Put my Bluetooth in and Im on my way Gonna be a mother fuckin douchebag today Gonna groom my beard like a bonsai tree Wax off my chest like Mr Miyagi Get a Chinese tat, dont know what it means But it makes me look deep to girls in their teens Dont need sleeves on my shirt, just rip em off And leave em exposed like Bernie Madoff Fake tan so brown you can call me foxy Gonna pop my collar like Limbaugh pops oxy Got more chains than Mr. T I pity the fuckwad who messes with me Cause Im doin roids til my balls get teeny Like Dennis Quaid in Innerspace, up inside the weenie Gettin crunk on brewskis with my broskis Im cooler than Ice cube wearing snow skis Sweeter than the life of Zach and Cody Higher than the voice of Truman Capote Yeah Ill drop a G for a bottle of Goose This party just took a turn for the douche For the douche, for the douche For the motherfuckin douche Thought it was a perfect party Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy This party just took a turn for the douche Were an army in the night like Norman Mailer And its time to be a tool like my name is Tim Taylor Im a VIP cause my table said so Im a use some Rufees cause the skank said no I like my hair like I like my girls drink SPIKED as fuck!!! Did my last keg stand like General Custer And Im assessin the damage like a claims adjuster I aint your Daddy but Ill call you son Yeah I get metaphysical like fuckin John Donne Im holdin up the beats like I was Lloyd Dobbler Girls are on the dance floor shakin their cobbler Im Cool like LL, fly like Jeff Goldblum Im gonna find the biggest ho in this room Girls wax is Brazilian, her manicures French Jean Nate is her signature stench She got rocks on her fingers and beneath her areolas Her gardens more savage then ch ch cherry colas Her heels are as clear as my intentions to bang her Hope shes birth controlled like Margaret Sanger Gonna Boner Stabbone her, Mike Seaver her Beaver Take her gold for cash then mother fuckin leave her I aint in love w you cousin I aint George Michael Bluth This party just took a turn for the douche For the douche, for the douche For the motherfuckin douche Thought it was a perfect party Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy This party just took a turn for the douche
Просмотров: 829773 Garfunkel And Oates
Garfunkel and Oates perform their song, Save the Rich, with the legendary and amazing Weird Al Yankovic at The Super Serious Show in Los Angeles.
Просмотров: 305663 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci sing about Riki's recent experience on a go kart. Lyrics: Get on my go kart, strap myself in Rev up the engine let the fun begin Put my foot on the gas and I'm outta the gate But the faster I go, the more the metal vibrates My body's tingling from my head to my toes But the thing that's really buzzing I hope nobody knows Cause I'm feeling kinda funny in a biblical way God damn it's shaking hard on my Georgia O'Keefe bouquet I never guessed this trembling machine would Turn the motor on under my hood Go kart racing, accidentally masturbating Go kart racing, mechanically self-fornicating Go kart racing, no stopping til I cross the finish line Shifting gears I can feel my heart throb Hope nobody notices I'm getting a lube job Don't need no gentleman to start my engine Cause I can even feel a little rear suspension Trying to cover up my scandal like I'm Goldman Sachs But shit is getting real on this indoor track About to go blind and I feel like a creep Cause it's pressing on my horn like beep beep beep Now my driving is getting erratic Cause this transmission is automatic Go kart racing, accidentally masturbating Go kart racing, mechanically self-fornicating Go kart racing, no stopping til I cross the finish line If the fruit is ripe you might as well pluck it Was gonna slow down but then I thought fuck it No one look at me cause this is it Green flag go go holy shit! Go kart racing, accidentally masturbating Go kart racing, mechanically self-fornicating Go kart racing, no stopping til I cross the finish line
Просмотров: 2365323 Garfunkel And Oates
LYRICS: If there’s a thousand people in the company One guy’s gotta be the worst guy One guy’s gotta be in thousandth place We’re gonna call that guy, what would that guy be named, Maybe something like Chris Verse 1: Being the least productive guy in the office Used to be enough to keep Chris employed But now this political correctness Is threatening the certainty he once enjoyed Sure, Chris believes in equality And he supports a merit-based system But why can’t things completely change And stay exactly the same for him Oh yeah why can’t the world eliminate it’s deeply ingrained unconscious bias without effecting Chris’ accounting job Before we worry about solving centuries of oppression We can’t forget to ask the most important question Chorus: What’s gonna happen to you Chris Are you going to actually have to try How could they do you this to you Chris Why oh why oh why Sure we all want change But have you thought about this What’s gonna happen to Chris Verse 2: Chris feels like collateral damage And we sympathize with the situation he’s in But Chris is like a kick line in a musical People have been applauding him for literally no reason He’s been sailing on through but contributing nothing The worst guy in the whole company Chris is as good at doing his job As we are at doing harmony If Chris was a flavor he’d be tofu If the world was a mansion he’d be a door hinge If he was in Hamilton he’d be Peggy If he was a Tootsie Pop he’d be orange If Chris was a sport he’d be baseball If this is was marriage he’d be the wife If Chris was a tragedy he’d be thoughts and prayers If this was the apocalypse he’d be a butterknife If this was Sex and the City he’d be a Carrie Yeah I said it Carrie’s boring as shit Everyone who’s anyone is a Miranda And I think deep down we all know it If Chris was an animal he’d be a gerbil If he was technology he’d be a paper calendar If he was a spaceship he’d be Columbia It also exploded but it was no challenger no no no no And still we can ask the most important question Chorus: What’s gonna happen to you Chris Are you going to actually have to try How could they do you this to you Chris Why oh why oh why Sure we all want change But have you thought about this What’s gonna happen to me Bridge: It’s so hard to be a man right now Why is everybody trying to oppress me Why can’t we fix centuries of discrimination without things getting so messy It's so good to be a woman right now We really have it all We’ve got 6 percent of the CEO jobs That’s up 2 percent from the 80’s We make 80 cents on the dollar Sure I make a dollar on the dollar but it’s still seems pretty scary We can finally come forward and name our attackers with mixed reactions What if I didn’t know I was attacking you I’m literally losing everything It’s so hard It’s so easy When the world is like it is Sure we all want change But have you thought about this What’s gonna happen to Chris
Просмотров: 137687 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci sing about the Occupy Wall Street movement. Shot by Raul Fernandez. LYRICS: Everyone knows these times are really tough And we need to band together say we've had enough All the jobless people need to learn to be content Cause what we need to do is protect our one percent Save the rich Let them know you care Don't leave to languish In their penthouse of despair Save the rich Let their bonuses be swollen And let them keep it all tax free Even if it's stolen Save the rich Let's give our job creators More than their fare share So they can go to Asia And create jobs over there There's loopholes and exemptions And children to exploit So give them special tax breaks Go fuck yourself Detroit And those who don't create jobs Really need help too Cause without their 7th home How will they make it through It's not time for complaining Not the time for class war It's time sacrifice yourself To give them more and more and more And more and more and more Save the rich America's built on corporate greed It's not Wall Street's fault If you can't get what you need Save the rich Don't go crying to mommy Cause if you don't agree Than you're socialist commie Save the rich Blame yourself for your problems Not the bad economy So what if those who have the most Are the ones who put it in jeopardy Fuck your student loans Fuck your kids and their health care It'll only take 10,000 of your jobs To put another private jet in the air Save the rich It's so easy to do Just let yourself be ignorant To what's been done to you Save the rich By doing nothing at all Deny all sense and logic And just think really small You should think really small Or just don't think at all And save the rich
Просмотров: 446404 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci sing a song about why they really like someone... as a friend.
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Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci sing their song, Fuck You, with Common Rotation and Martin Starr. They also lead the audience in a kazoo chorus. Performed at the Upright Citizens Brigade in Los Angeles. Filmed by Eric Meacham.
Просмотров: 123914 Garfunkel And Oates
Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci sing a song about getting a medical marijuana card in California. LYRICS: Everyone knows marijuanas dangerous And medical pot is really strong Thats why its so hard it California To get your weed card Unless somethings really wrong Gonna pay a visit to my doctor Its a long shot but I gotta try She hands me a list of all the ailments I can have to qualify Cant believe what I am reading This is just what Ive been needing A government supply To get legally high Weed card, thats what I need Hardly ever, okay, always But its not an addiction Cause my doctor gave me a prescription You can get your card for having headaches, bad dreams or anxiety Propensity for drugs or alcohol, Anorexia or Obesity Too fat, too thin, either way you win) Carpal tunnel syndrome, color blindness, St-st-stuttering, t-t-tooth decay Fatigue, depression, motion sickness, Impotence or TMJ You can smoke to quit cigarettes For asthma or mother fucking Tourettes Its a dream come true Theres nothing pot cant do Weed card, thats what I need Hardly ever, okay, always But its not an addiction Cause my doctor gave me a prescription Got back pain need mary jane Cant handle this, need cannabis Got a stomach ache, gotta wake and bake Have an injury, need tch Get fucked up for your hyperhydrosis Which is sweaty palms in case you need a diagnosis Its not a crime, its 4:20 time Weed card, thats what I need Hardly ever, okay, always But its not an addiction Cause my doctor gave me a prescription
Просмотров: 476975 Garfunkel And Oates
Garfunkel and Oates' overture and opening dance number to their Vimeo special, Trying To Be Special. Order it here: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/garfunkelandoates/161193814 Choreographed by Kathryn Burns Overture by Eban Schletter
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Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci play an acoustic version of their song, Running With Chicken. And it's in 3d. Directed by David Shafei
Просмотров: 68674 Garfunkel And Oates