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Thank you, for my heart of shattered glass might put itself back together in the world of phases, your words may help my soul stay true and the invitation of death may be less tempting than the joy of life. I know this poem will be lost in the sea of comments and teardrops of all of those who have been trying to fight and love in peace, but to those with the slim chance of reading this now, your hearts are your way-finders, stay true, and when they seem broken, remember the things that make you, you, and bare your love and mind proudly, because they are what makes the world turn round.
The City Hall Angel
likes the way I move in
an orange jumper with
a sash that’s a tad
loose and a dull trash
spear. Every foam
and wax paper cup,
every aluminum can
that ever made me
throw up — I drop
at his naked feet. He
takes the spear from
my trembling fingers.
The point, now sharp,
lingers for a moment
then plunges over
and over, poking
portraits of the guy
I was in love with
at the time of drinking
or, if I was alone,
Playing drums was my phase. Anime was my phase. Greek mythology was my phase. I struggle to even call those phases, because they still stick with me to this day in some capacity. But I've always felt this way. I've always known I wasn't a girl. My disgust at dresses and skirts. When I'd play as Dan the warrior and never Danielle the princess. When I'd pick the boy characters in video games. When I avoided mirrors for years because the person looking back wasn't me. When the little boy at my brother's birthday party though I was a boy and I felt strange correcting him. When I got so excited over drawing someone who's gender I couldn't see. When I first heard of singular they. When I got so exited at the idea of people not seeing me as a girl or boy. When I screenshoted a picture of the nonbinary flag last August and decided to figure myself out. When I went to homecoming wearing a tie. When I came out to my trans best friend. When I started going to the gsa as Dan. When I cut my hair and saw myself in the mirror for the first time. When I came out to my parents. When I started seeing a psychiatrist. When my psychiatrist gave me a more certain diagnosis of gender dysphoria than my ADHD. When I got my first binder. This has been here my entire life. This isn't just a phase. My entire life cannot just be a phase. This won't pass, mom. I know you see a lot of your gender nonconforming teenage years in me, but this isn't the same as you cutting your hair as an act of rebellion. This isn't the same as you thinking that you'd never want to get pregnant. This isn't the same as your style of clothing as a teen. I've always been this way. It's just taken me fourteen years to find the words to describe it. And I'm sorry Lior can't have an older sister. I know having two girls was important to you. But I'm still gonna love Lior with all my heart, and if anything this has brought us closer.
@Vishnu Shankar nice to hear that my message resonated! No, I didn't send this to my mom, I'm taking my social transition one step at a time and she's starting to come around, this was more for me and for people like you, so I'm happy it touched you!
That was just so touching! I'm gender nonconforming too! And I'm so happy to hear your story! I can relate so much to the phrase, "It's just a phase"! But the actual phase is them learning to accept us!
I came out as gay last year and as gender nonconforming this year. Yes, it did take me a lot more time to get comfortable with people knowing about the latter than it did for the former 😅! But I'm glad to hear you! Btw did you send this to your mom?
@big_joe That's not it! They don't accept out of ignorance! They love us, but they feel that God would punish us. So they keep trying to change us. We are human beings. We are bound by nature to seek love and care and to give the same. Being denied the same isn't easy to deal with, especially when it's from people you love. What they fail to understand is that this same love is more powerful than anything else in the world. And that no God would wish his creatures be denied the right to love or to be loved! I can say this so easily because my family has accepted me! But I know of many whose families haven't accepted them. Their families love their children to death. For the same reason, they cannot bear the thought of their children doing something "immoral". They are not rejecting out of pure hatred. It's just ignorance, a little bit of bigotry and an impaired sense of logic.
Here’s the thing: It’s really easy to say that from the outside looking in, but it isn’t that simple. Often the people saying these things, are people you really care about, and whose approval and love you want. Family and Friends, people who you thought you could trust. But then, hearing them say these things, or things that are derogatory, well they break from the inside, because we all just want love, and there is nothing we can do. So no, we can’t just ignore it. I’m not trying to be rude, but I beg you to try and understand how it makes me and hundreds of others like me feel when we hear these things.
My family rather have a suicidal daughter than a happy son. This video got me threw these years and still does. To the people that need this, you're beautiful/handsome. You are wanted and needed. It may be terrible right now but at least it's not yesterday and your one day closer to whatever you want. I hope you have a good day. Goodbye.
SLIME NATIONS hey I don’t know how you’re doing today but I just wanted to say you’re loved and appreciated and amazing and I support you and believe in you! Everything’s gonna turn out okay in the end, I promise. You just have to hold on until then. Alright, that’s all I’m gonna say—bye!
It's probably a phase, and I'm not saying this as a negative thing. What I mean is that you're gonna start puberty soon (or you've already started it) and feeling depressed sometimes (or even all the time) is a part of it for many people. Even so, you should seek help from friends, family and anyone who you can trust, you're only young once, so don't let your feelings take control of you, stay strong.
Being a depressed 12 year old, myself... That's crap! If anyone tells you it's just a phase, ask them if they think mental illnesses are phases, if life is a phase. Because of anything, life is a phase. It's something that will eventually end, unlike a MENTAL ILLNESS! Your stuck with those. Depression is a Mental illness, and a emotion. It fades, but it never fails to come back
Advice From: A Depressed and Stressed Person
thank you this was very useful, I'm transgender ftm and I'm constantly being told " it's just a phase " or " it's just your tomboy stage " and it hurts because I've felt this way for years but kept it bottled up inside instead of embracing it I've just recently come to terms with it and started coming out to people but I'm still being told it's a phase. This video helped it reminded me that one day I will be on T and perhaps have top surgery and then they will know it wasn't a phase.
I know this will sound really cliché, but it really does get better. I'm openly gay in Mississippi, "one of the most bigoted states," but I got nothing but support from my friends and family. Take the necessary precautions and put your safety first, but, in my experience, people's reactions aren't near as bad as you have thought. Hope things get better.
DG ••• hey I don’t know if you need this but I’m gonna say it anyways—you’re loved and appreciated and amazing and the only person who can tell your story is you you’re epic and I believe in you anyways gotta go!
@Henrique Vidal honestly, same. I feel like the only reason I reply to homophobic comments despite the fact that they could lead to triggering arguments is because I can't imagine seeing a comment section full of hate with nobody saying anything against it. were not changing anyones opinions but were showing our presence and the fact that we support each other